All The Single Ladies...

I've got to admit something.  Sometimes Facebook really pisses me off.

I see the following status update at least once a week, "I have so much respect for single mothers.  My husband is working late/out for the evening/away on business, and I had the kids all alone tonight!"  A slurry of sympathetic comments from other moms (inevitably, one is single) follows, offering, "Oh, I totally know!  It's so hard when (husband name X) works at night" or "You're such an awesome mom!"  Gag.  The token single mother friend usually offers a "Thanks.  It's hard."

Comparing one three-hour stint with two kids to being a single mother seems rather dismissive and insulting to single mothers.  What do you think?

Two of my neighbors raised their children as single mothers, as did several women in my family.  Many of my friends grew up between two households.  Here's what I know from them.

As a single mother:

• You don't get a break.  Nobody usually comes home at 5 to take over baths or story.  He's not away on business, and he's not going to tell you how strong and awesome you were while he was gone.  You won't get a phonecall.  You won't get a sympathetic ear or a hug.  You won't even get a pat on the back.  You'll get to wake up the next day and do it all over again.
• You probably don't get the luxury of choosing to be a stay at home mom.
• You don't have a partner to share household duties.  You make dinner and clean up the dishes.
• You can swallow your pride and accept spousal support, or not.  Both options suck.
• Everything is a balancing act, and there's only one leg for support.  You.  Work schedules must bend around school plays, soccer games, Open House, parent-teacher conferences, and Back to School Night.
• You change every diaper, change the liner, and take out the trash.  Every time.  Ditto for the potty training toilet and soiled training pants.  Ditto for homework, bathtime, hair washing, teeth brushing, story time, lullabye, and lights out.  Ditto for breakfast, cleanup, dressing, teeth brush, and out the door on time.  Ditto for everything. 
• You balance childcare, getting the oil changed in the car, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, cooking, and sleeping.  And maybe, just maybe, there's a little time in there for yourself.

Single mothering is more than having the kids all day because your husband is working late.  Single mothers make every decision by themselves.  They can't send somebody out on a diaper run while the little one is napping.  They raise children on one income.  They work at a job and then come home and work.  They do the whole thing, every day, with little or no support.

I've mentioned that Dave travels, and for a while during a very difficult time in our life, I'd tell people I was "single mommin' it."  But I knew there was a second income.  I knew I could call him.  I knew that if it got really tough, I had in-laws nearby.  The single mother is afforded none of these luxuries.  I'll never say that again.

Next time I see a married somebody post that they've had a really tough day with their two kids and bladdy bladdy blah and blah blah I have so much respect for single mothers blah blah, I probably won't say anything, because FB fights are waaaay lame.  But I'm just throwing this out there.  I think it's slightly disrespectful.

Three cheers for single mothers.  You women are amazing.